The Diary of Remus J Lupin
by EtichaErix
Summary: Remus writes a diary to collect all his memories. Here a glance from special moments....


**A/N: Please note, I was in a bus on my way home from Slovenia when I wrote this one; it's extremely short and strange. But please, R & R!**

_The Diary of Remus J. Lupin_

_I never thought that I would actually write a diary. But now I understand that I need to do it. So, my life story is indeed a very complicated one, and therefore, I have to write it down. _

**31st of October, 197 **(Is the year really needed? Just settle with the fact that it was in the seventies, now, will you?)

_This day must be the worst ever. I thought that I could hide the fact that I'm a werewolf for so long as I wanted. Apparently, I couldn't. This is what happened (although in a very short version):_

I and James Potter (one of my best friends) were walking around the Hogwarts castle, talking. Suddenly, James stopped, stared at me for a second without a warning, and then started to walk again.

"What?" I said, laughing. "Did I look that terrible today?"

"You look tired", he said calmly. "Nothing else."

"Well, you know", I said jokingly, "I have to keep up the good work with my studies."

He suddenly stopped again, and said: "Remus – I know your secret."

"You – you know?" I said, startled, before the meaning of what he just had said to me sank in.

"Wait, what?" I almost choked. "You know?" He nodded at me, silently.

"I've known since last full moon."

"So… you knew?" I said weakly. "You knew when we talked about it?" He nodded again.

"I'm afraid so." I took several steps backwards, away from him. "But I…" I began, afraid of hurting him. "If you know, if you really know, James, then why are you standing here?" James frowned at me.

"Remus… Now you've lost me." I stared at him.

"What?" I said, and my voice started to tremble. Suddenly I felt terrible, what if James knew, what if Sirius and Peter knew… _What would I do?_

"I would like to talk to you, more private", James said. "Our dormitory, tonight, after the feast." I remembered that it was Halloween.

_How appropriate_, I thought dully. _They are mad at me on Halloween._

_Right now I can't really tell why I thought like that at that moment. I guess I weren't thinking straight. _

Later that evening, I met Sirius in the corridor on the fourth floor. His eyes avoided me, and it hurt me. I immediately knew that if they hated me that much, I would kill myself during the next full moon.

_Does this make any sense at all, actually? I promise I will try, but this is my thought at the time… a bit dizzy, perhaps, but anyway…_

After the feast, I went up to our dormitory. They sat on their beds, talking quietly. James looked up, his brown eyes piercing me.

"Hello Remus." I nodded.

"Got on with it", I said. "Say it."

Sirius looked nervously on James, who ran a hand through his hair, flattening it and running a hand through it once more. Peter looked away from me.

"I just wanted you to know -" James hesitated. "WE just wanted you to know that we're going to help you." I was stunned (_and to be honest, not quite sure of what James was talking about_).

"How…."

"By becoming Animagi." It was Sirius who talked. He looked straight at me this time. "Look, Remus, we won't let you down."

"But how….how did you even find out?"

James smiled weakly. "Well… there were some signs, Remus. But we're okay with it. I mean, you're our friend. We won't let you down."

"Even if you know that I'm a…. a werewolf?"

"You haven't hurt us yet, right?" Sirius smiled broadly.

"Not yet", I whispered. "But I could easily do it… And how are you going to be Animagi?"

"It won't be easy", James said, honestly. "But we will learn, sooner or later."

"That way we can help you." My eyes watered.

"Thanks." Sirius hugged me, James too. Peter hadn't said anything yet.

"What about you?" I said. "Are you scared of me?" He shook his head. '

"No." There was great silence for a few seconds.

"I just don't know if I will make it, becoming an Animagus."

"Imagine that", Sirius suddenly said. "Three unregistered Animagi running around Hogwarts!" We all laughed.

_We didn't say more about it that night. I didn't want to. But they knew. And it was okay._


End file.
